NFL Today Hiring, Speech Impediment Required

If you have a speech impediment, you can work at The NFL Today.



Exibit A. Shannon Sharpe.


No one knows what the hell Shannon Sharpe is saying in this video. I think he is mumbling something about Home Depot in the beginning.  


If Shannon Sharpe didn’t play football, he would have a great career of playing musical instruments out of everyday garbage. Not since the days of Mushmouth have I heard someone struggle with their D’s and B’s like Shannon Sharpe. 


Ehibit B. Bill Cowher

Bill Cowher must eat a container of peanut butter before he goes on air. His lips are just unnatural when he is speaking. 


The NFL Today should just fire Boomer, Marino, and James Brown and make it an all lisp cast. I have a few suggestions for who should fill in:


Leon Spinks.

Spinks would be a great fit for NFL Today. Not only does “Neon” Leon share the same immaculate Geri Curls as NFL great Deion Sander, but they also share the same nickname. 

Leon Spinks’ lisp would fit in perfect with Cowher and Sharpe. At least he has an excuse with his lack of teeth.



Mike Tyson

If Tyson didnt exist, Spinks would hold the honor of gayest sounding boxer. Thankfully for us, Tyson does exist. There isn’t much to comment on Tyson that isn’t already known, so I will just post one of my favorite videos of all time: 


Bill Plascke

You can watch Plascke on ESPN’s “Around the Horn” battling todays sports stories and his ability to put an S or TH in a sentence everyday. Plascke shares the same set of peanut butter lips as Cowher. This guy knows his sports and has an amazing impediment, sign him up today.


Plascke, Tyson, Spinks, Sharpe, and Cowher. That would be an all star cast of speech disorders.

One Response to NFL Today Hiring, Speech Impediment Required

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